Controversy and opinions over Nature vs. Nurture has been the center of debates for years. There is an idea that suggests a person’s physical and behavioral traits can be determined relative to where and how one is raised vs. genetics and heredity. These debates brought up several topics some extreme, like Adolf Hitler. Was Hitler a product of genetics and born bad or was it his upbringing with an extremely demanding father? On the opposite side of the debates there is the topic of homosexuals. Is being gay something that you are born with or is how a child is raised that determines it?
A child was born into a loving family with both a mother and a father and 2 older brothers. The family comes from a town that next to Sunday church is football. Dad was an old college football hero who married the head cheerleader. Their first two sons were larger than most the children and by the age of two years old were destined to follow their dad to football glory. Dad knew his old college buddy who was currently the college coach. Coach would scout out all the high school games to check the progress of the two brothers and would even make offers for them to play for him after graduations. Between the legendary dad and the prodigal sons everyone in town knew who they were and everyone envied them. Well almost all of them, there was the black sheep of the family that many forgot about or rarely associated with the family.
This black sheep was the runt of the family and the youngest son. He was noticeably different that his brothers in that he was not built like a football player but more like a ballerina. By the age of two he was destined for nothing and by age four it was clear he would never follow in the steps of dad or become scouted by colleges for an athletic scholarship. By the age of four his whole life was football but there was never an interest for the game or even playing the game; despite dad’s incessant pushing of the game or the families shared passion of the game. Instead the four year old was more fascinated with mom’s Sunday dresses and countless numbers of different high heel shoes.
For the remaining fourteen years he would be confounded to that little town, he stayed quiet. As he got older he tried to force himself to enjoy the game his father loved so much. Trying to force bonding experiences and a love for the game he would find himself falling short as he could only fake an interest so long. His father never minded or judged and once told him it was ok he didn’t like football. His father always questioned and wondered about the runt but didn’t care, it was his son and that’s all that mattered. As he got older he continued to try and understand the game and those bonding experiences would transform into deep conversations discussed during the game about life, politics, science, or anything else he wanted to talk about. His father welcomed and enjoyed the talks, the talks that only those two would have watching the game.
Having the approval of his father at home was nothing like the real world or the school world. By the time he reached the age to go to public school he had developed differently than the other kids. His voice never deepened and always sounded like a little girl and his posture and walk seemed very feminine. Once in public schools starting at around the fourth grade he would notice whispers and pointing from the other kids. Whispers quickly evolved into hate speak yelled across the campus and pointing became more forceful in the form of punching and beatings. For most of his school life he was tortured and ridiculed for the way he looked, sounded, and walked. As each year passed the beating became worse and the hatred dripped from their lips. The only saving grace was as soon as he entered high school as a freshman his brothers were seniors. He had not asked for help from his brothers, but the brothers took it upon themselves to warn everyone to think twice before trying or saying anything; but they were seniors and would be gone the next year.
The last three years of school he quickly learned to adapt to the hatred and would eliminate most of the situations that would put him in a dangerous situation. He found himself studying for extra hours in the library and asking mom for rides home. He never focused on the hate and never feared it; his approach was to devote his time to a good education in hopes that he would get out of his home down. He studied for hours to ensure he knew everything he could about his classes and aced every single one of them. By the start of the last year his test scores were the best in the state and would attract a certain attention from the local media and was offered to join the mayor for a private dinner. All this attention brought full ride scholarships to a number of schools but also brought some unwanted attention. Two months before graduation a group of kids, fed up with the constant attention and show boating, which there was none of, and felt it was their duty to silence him.
He would arrive at an out of state college the following fall. He was excited to be there and away from that town that treated him so bad, that town who’s going away present was a missed graduation and 3 months in the hospital with a broken leg, broken ribs, and a face swollen to the point his eyes refused to open. He was excited to be at a school that was accepting of all people, which encouraged different to stand out and be themselves. He was excited to be at a place he could finally come out and feel safe about loving a man.
The events of his home town departure soon became a distant nightmare that he rarely thought about. He focused on the then and his future. He maintained his studies and great scores; but also he started to discover something he never had before, a social life. He found the perfect balance of study and friends. He no longer had to hide in the library; he had free range to anywhere and everywhere. He socialized with peers that valued him for his thoughts and ideas, for his laugh and smile, for the person he was. He had even discovered love, he found someone he could love and even better, loved him back. College was the place he had yearned for, it was the place sitting in front of the TV on Sundays talking football with dad, and it was acceptance, a place of belonging.
During those next four years he had become a completely different person, he became the person he always wanted to be and knew he was. He had taken my class along with many others over the years and without a doubt aced each and every one of them. For four years he maintained his full ride scholarship, straight A’s, found love, and found happiness. His hard work had finally paid off and there was no limit to what he could do. His whole family had flown in to see the graduation and support their son and their brother. He noticed each of their faces as he accepted his diploma and saw nothing but love and support. With his father, he even noticed a tear roll down the side of his face. After graduation he flew home with the family to spend the summer with them, until he was able to start his new job in the fall.
Back home he noticed a lot had changed in four years but that one thing that would never change was the football. That first night back they had gone to the local steak house to celebrate. For hours the family talked, reminisced and shared plans for the future. Shocked and surprised one of the brothers announced a marriage proposal and that she had said yes, the other described a huge promotion he just got. Happiness had filled the room with all the good announcements being shared; caught up in the “breaking news” theme that was being displayed the newly graduate stood up and wanted to make an announcement. He stood up straight and looked at each person as they sat there silently waiting for the announcement. He took a drink of his water, and then said it:
“I’m gay.”
Blank stares filled the room as his family looked at him. Sweating and becoming more nervous he slowly sat back down looking and waiting for someone to say something.
“Hey little bro, we already knew that.”
Taken aback and almost falling backwards out of his chair he watched as the whole family busted into laughter.
Dad added, “We all knew that already.”
Confused he looks at his father. His father continues, “We knew since you were four when you insisted on wearing mom’s dresses and shoes.”
Laughter filled the room and as more and more stories began to come out about how they knew. The laughter got to a point that it even leaked out into the rest of the restaurant. Eventually the waiter came to them and advised their closing up. As the family slowly left the restaurant they exchanged a few hugs and pleasantries and plans were made to continue the party back at the house. The brothers piled into the car and took responsibility to get mom and dad home while the youngest son agreed to take the other car home. Before they left his father called for him and stepped out of the car. When he approached dad pulled him close and hugged him tight and whispered, “I have always loved you and accepted you. I’m proud to be your father.”
On the way home he was following his brothers when they caught a yellow light and he got stopped on the red. Waiting for the light to change he relived and thought about the last few hours and what is father had said. On the way home he was following his brothers when they caught a yellow light and he got stopped on the red. Waiting for the light to change he relived and thought about the last few hours and what is father had said. He thought about how happy he was to know that he is and always had been accepted. He always knew he was loved but now knowing the extent of his family love and acceptance he finally achieved everything he wanted in life. Almost dazing off in deep thought he never noticed that the light had turned green and was snapped back to reality from a blaring horn from the car behind him.
Back in reality he focused on the green light and was about to continue his ride back to his childhood home when a series of crashes, bangs and broken glass startled him. Slamming his foot on the break and putting the car in park he wanted to investigate the noise. Before he could open the car door or look behind him shattered glass seemed to have exploded in his face. Stunned and disorientated he felt hands slide underneath his arms and with a violent pull he was lifted and pulled from the car window and thrown to the ground. Still trying to process what’s happening he tried to filter through the pain and the last few seconds to grasp the new reality. Sharp pains fill his sides, face and head being to ache in a way that he had only experienced once before in his life. Struggling to free himself from the pain he rolls to the left and then to the right. With each roll and when the light shined just right he was able to get a vague view of the new reality he was living.
Frightened and in pain he began to process the vague images trying to make sense of what was happening. Time seemed to slow down as his mind went into overdrive to analyze everything. He focused on the images he stole as he rolled around and within his mind cleaned up those images to reveal the truth. He soon realized that he had caught the images of three men standing above him. Something about those faces struck a chord with him but couldn’t figure out why. His mind working faster and faster, time had all but stopped. Trying to place the faces he recalls a group of men from the restaurant sitting at the bar. He remembered because he caught them staring over at him throughout the evening. Not thinking much of it at the time he still had a thought that the looked familiar. Traveling back in time within his mind he rewound his life trying to remember everyone he had ever met or had contact with. Senior year nothing, junior year nothing, sophomore year still nothing, even into his first year in college and there was still nothing. Fear began to fill his body and flow through every fiber of his being as he continued traveling backwards. The moment he placed each of the faces fear took over everything and time sped up to reality and at that exact moment darkness filled his eyes.
The next morning, having been sitting at the kitchen table phased out for several hours now, I watched the football family rise from their sleep and each stumbled downstairs to the kitchen. Greeting each other and exchanging pleasantries they asked each other about their night’s sleep, at which time dad expressed a horrible night sleep; he advised he would keep waking up and that he tossed and turned the whole night. After a few minutes the whole family was downstairs, when dad noticed someone was missing. Calling out his name to wake up he was responded to with silence. His stomach began to ach and knot up; his calls continued, each one sounding more desperate for an answer. He stood up and panic filled his voice as he began to scream, the family stared confused as the panic screams turned to pleading. “PLEASE WAKE UP!” Still there was no answer; tears filled his eyes as he drops to his knees and began to sob.
The accepted son that always knew who he was and now knows he was always accepted by his family never made it the six blocks home. Six blocks away from home was an abandoned car sitting alone at the intersection surrounded by broken glass and blood. Six blocks from there was a dirt road that lead to an abandoned farm house where just a few hours prior stood three men whom once upon a time were stripped of all scholarships opportunities, expelled from high school, and who’s futures would result to nothing. Their hatred for someone different took over and they would gang up on a kid that hung out in the library and beat him so bad that he would miss his own graduation. Filled with rage from having their lives stripped away four years earlier they sought revenge.
The three men saw the cause for all their problems enter a steak house. They waiting patiently for their opportunity and when separated from the car he was following the three men found their opening. Breaking the windows to his car and dragging him into the street they began kicking furiously. Watching him struggle the three continued their assault in the street until one of them pulled a bat from the cab of their truck and struck the beaten man in the head. Unconscious, they dragged the limp body to the truck and drove to the abandon farm house. There they sat quietly on the back of the truck waiting for bleeding man to awaken. Once awake they pushed him to the ground and surrounded him, each wildings a bat. Their assault picked up where they left off in the street and continued for almost an hour. That morning as each of the men tried to scrub their blood stained skin clean, the body was found; the only way to have identified the body was through a photo ID left in the back pocket.
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